Awareness

I'm thinking this morning about why it seems the people who are already the most aware are the ones who keep learning and growing and those who seem to "need it" the most are those who remain in the dark.

I hear stories all the time about other people who appear to be really lacking in areas like communication skills, compassion, empathy, respect, understanding. Rarely do we have conversations which involve ourselves and the lessons we can take from those others who seem to monopolize many of our waking hours (and sometimes even our restless sleeping hours).

In Good to Great, Jim Collins wrote about those others in the section about "First Who, Then What" when he said that leaders in organizations spend most of their time dealing with people who maybe shouldn't even be on the bus, instead of concentrating on first getting the people off the bus who shouldn't be there, then getting the right people on the bus and in the right seats. Only then should the bus driver decide where to go (not sure I agree with the order of that comment, but that's neither here nor there).

He said that often leaders are spending way more time on the people who probably shouldn't even be on the bus in the first place, thereby neglecting those champions who aren't really getting much positive attention.

Here's another way to explain that. The percentages may be different for different organizations, but let's assume there is 10% of an organization's employees who are wildly loyal and would do anything for the organization, 10% of an organization's employees who can never be pleased no matter what, and 80% of the employees who lie somewhere in the middle and can be swayed either way.

What happens most of the time is that the attention of the managers and supervisors goes to the bottom 10%, or those people who will never come around anyway. So where the attention goes, there goes the 80%. Instead, wouldn't it make more sense to spend more time rewarding and appreciating the behavior we want to attract the 80% in that direction?

This probably comes from our conditioning as little kids. We hear "NO" far more often than we hear "YES" growing up, so it would stand to reason that we spend more time trying to get others to agree with us than we do with those who already do.

Sometimes just coming to a new awareness is what it takes to get us to see things differently. And it seems those new "aha"s are most sustainable when we come to them on our own, instead of when we are pushed or coerced or forced to take them from others, especially others in authority.

So today, just notice something that frustrates or upsets you and pause. Take a deep breath and try to understand why you are upset. What is the message for you in that upset? If that something is actually someone, is there a chance for a different conversation? Might you ask a question instead of give a command? Maybe there's a way to use the three magic words in a conversation: "Help me understand."

Of course, the key is that you recognize the upset. We really do train people how to treat us by the way we show up. If people are giving you clues through their body language, that's probably the best information you can get, since 55% of communication is visual.

The only person you can change is you with the help of GOD. But first you have to be aware.

No Condemnation

Are you feeling guilty about something? Maybe something you’ve done in your marriage?

As a Christian, if you’ve repented and asked for forgiveness, then God promises to forgive you. Not only that, but He chooses to forget that sin even happened.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus
Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

Forget about your past and quit beating yourself up over it. The past can’t be changed. But by dwelling on the past, it will negatively affect your present and future.

Having repented and having your sins forgiven AND forgotten, there’s no reason to keep reminding God of it. He wants to help you do and be better in the here and now, on into the future.

So quit letting satan talk you into feeling guilty about your past. Tell him that God’s forgiven you and that you’re moving forward in your life through Christ. A life that’s free from guilt and condemnation. A life that you’re going to allow God to lead away from that sin and into His blessings.

Are Arrows Flying in Your Marriage?

Who sharpen their tongue like a sword, And bend their bows to shoot their arrows—bitter words.
Psalm 64:3 (NKJV)

Picture this. Carrying a bow and some arrows, you walk into a room full of people. You then start shooting arrows all over the room. Some of those arrows hit the wall. Some hit the furniture. But some hit the other people. You look over to see one of those arrows sticking out of the chest of your spouse. You cry out that you didn’t mean to. You were just shooting around and weren’t planning on hitting anyone. But you did. And now they’re badly hurt. That arrow is out there and you can’t bring it back.

Your words can be like those arrows in that they can be devastating. People are hurt by words that are thoughtlessly spoken as much as words that are said with the intent to harm. And like those arrows, you can’t take them back. They’re already out there. Those wounds can take a long time to heal. Many people are still hurting from words that were said years earlier.

And even worse, many are silently suffering from things said by their husband or wife.
Your mouth is NOT a weapon. So don’t use it as one.
Is your spouse walking around with an arrow sticking out of them? An arrow that YOU shot?
Whether you meant to or not, those words hurt.

But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.
Matthew 12:36 (NKJV)

It’s said of a person who can come up with a quick remark to something someone else said that they are quick witted. In actuality, that would really be slow witted. They would be quick mouthed, but their mind hasn’t thought quickly enough about the pain they may cause if they shoot off their mouth. Many people are hurt while someone is trying to be smart or funny. Make sure your quick remarks aren’t tearing others down.

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath
James 1:19 (NKJV)

Start taking time to think about what you are going to say to your spouse…and other people for that matter. Consider what negative affect your words may have on that person. Is what you are about to say something that you would want someone to say to you?

Remember you can’t take those arrows back.